Through introspection, I was able to delineate what was keeping me from progression of self. The interesting thing is I had known all along what the source of stagnation was, but I created a mentality of victimization, unknowingly.
My inner feelings of fear of being misperceived and relegated to a label or stereotype because of whom I am physically attracted was the source of a darkness within me. For a long time, I lived my life being overly conscious of how I was perceived, to the point that I hindered my growth and detoured from my desired reality. This inward fear was and is mirrored into my present reality. I manifested what I feared, unconsciously.
Consequently, I altered my personality to cope with my fear, and I suffered inwardly as well as in my daily life. To not be able to freely feel the way you want to feel, to not be able to express yourself without reservation, to deny yourself love in the form of an intimate relationship; can be damaging. To be authentically you, is to be close to the Creator, the Source that gives us life. You have to fully love and accept every facet of your self for only then can you truly love and accept others.
I sincerely hope that anyone who reads and has any resonation with this entry will consider my words and apply my approach to their life experience. Revealing my fear leaves me very open and vulnerable, but I know expressing it will grant me and hopefully others the healing that we truly need. Darkness, in the form of fear, anger, sorrow, and victimization; must be brought into the Light to be exposed before it can be healed and balanced by the Light. I implore you to search within yourselves as I have.